I can sense the fear in me creeping up. She has nicely asked to catch up, which I’m okay with the idea. Then she brought up my progress for my findings chapter, which I’m totally not okay with the idea.
The truth is, it’s almost non-existent. Sure I have work a few paragraphs on the chapter, but it’s not looking very promising or interesting. Heck, 1.5 years down I’m still confused what my topic is really about.
And this “catch up” is happening in less than 2 days.
Next thing in the email, presentation in 2 weeks time for a minor colloquium. I almost wanting to say no by giving my sv a really vague and subtle notice that I am not doing it… Her next emails listed me as one of the presenter…. I think I’d just shot myself on the foot.
I mean what’s the point for me to do a preso anyway. Done once for the same Professor, so I highly doubt that there will be any interest in my work.
Shoots I better type something readible by Thursday.
I mean, I am totally NOT fine letting people to read a first draft. I don’t believe in such a thing as a first draft. If I’m writing something, it’s gotta be perfect in the first round… but yeah it’s pretty impossible I should say.
I believe in scribbling papers though. All my ideas are spread out in different word documents. I know what I want to write, but teasing out the theory and convincing my two sv that the research questions are interesting is the tough part.
I feel like I’d totally hit the cliff (higher than a wall, okay?) this time.
I just want to run away and don’t get into uni on Thursday. Switch off my phone and don’t read emails and just hide under the blanket for the day.
Okay, gotta start climbing the cliff. I just need to find the right rope that will help me get to the top somehow.